Proposing at a wedding

Thinking of proposing at a wedding? Read this first.


Proposing at another wedding

This particular proposal plan is tackling something controversial: proposing at a wedding for someone else.

You’ve probably seen a viral video of this happening at some point on the internet; and you’ve almost definitely seen the comments section after, with most people in uproar!

Proposing at the wedding of another couple definitely isn’t a popular choice when it comes to planning the perfect proposal, and for very good reason. The day is about someone else, and someone else you deeply care about, otherwise chances are you wouldn’t have been invited! However, there are a select number of circumstances in which it might be okay, which we wanted to share today, in case it’s something that you’re considering.

Why might you want to propose at a wedding for someone else?

When considering proposing at someone else’s wedding, the first question to ask yourself is: why? Why does this option seem attractive to you? If it’s that you love the atmosphere and heady romance of a wedding, is this something you could replicate elsewhere, without taking the day away from your friends? Or is it because your loved ones are all in one place? If so, then might you be able to arrange a party or gathering where they could all attend again, ensuring the newlyweds’ whole day remains about them?

Another question to ask yourself is: would your partner appreciate you proposing at a wedding? If they don’t typically like being the centre of attention, it’s definitely not the right way to go.

However, as we said, there are a small number of circumstances in which it truthfully might be the best option. Perhaps your family are far-flung across the globe, and they’ve all flown over for this wedding, a totally rare occurrence. If your partner is stationed away a lot then your time together might also, understandably, be limited. If these are genuinely true, then you may proceed to the next stage, which is: asking the couple in question…

The non-negotiables of proposing at a wedding

With a lot of proposal plans, there’s a great deal of flexibility on what you have to do, based on what you want to do. However, when proposing at a wedding for someone else, there’s a number of things that absolutely have to be adhered to.

Check with the couple whose wedding it is

The first, and most important, is to check with the couple whose wedding you want to propose at. This is a total non-negotiable, as of the slim number of cases where it could be acceptable, 100% of these are only with the couple’s blessing! After all, they’ve carefully curated this day to celebrate their love, and painstakingly paid for everything to give their guests the best day. First and foremost, it’s their day, and they need to give you the go-ahead.

Only ask if you’re confident they’ll tell you the truth

The next thing to consider is: will they tell you the truth, when you do ask? Many couples may feel put out by the question, but not want to say no for fear of appearing like a bride or groomzilla. You need to make sure that you know the couple inside out, and know that they’re the kind of people who would absolutely say no if that’s what they felt (a decision you’d have to respect). If you don’t know them well enough to know this, you probably don’t know them well enough to think about proposing at their wedding…

If they say yes, then work out when

If they’re excited and enthused by the idea, and give you their blessing, then the next step in your proposal plans is working out exactly when to pop the question. One famous, and heart-warming, example that circulated the internet a few years ago was during the bouquet toss. The bride motioned as if to throw the bouquet back to her bridal party, but at the last minute turned and handed it to her bridesmaid, whose partner then got down on one knee.

Another opportunity might be a quiet moment away from everyone else, for example on a balcony, or in your room at the venue.

The no-gos of proposing at a wedding

Assuming that proposing at a wedding in and of itself isn’t a no-go, and the couple have given you their blessing to propose to your partner on their big day, there are still a number of absolute no-gos to think about.

Don’t make it a surprise

Whatever you do, don’t make it a surprise. It may seem romantic when you’re planning it, but actually proposing at a wedding out of the blue is a guaranteed way to feel very awkward, very quickly. As we mentioned at the start of this guide, it’s a pretty divisive topic, and you’ll feel this in the room’s frosty response. However, a proposal plan that involves the couple – like the beautiful bouquet toss example above – is a clear signal to the guests that it’s ok, and approved by the most important people in the room!

Don’t make it all about you

Of course, your proposal is a huge moment, and we’re so excited for the next stage of your love story; however, remember the day is not about you. If you’re planning on proposing at a wedding, it comes with the knowledge that ultimately the day revolves around the couple getting married, and your proposal should enhance this for them, but not change it for them.

Don’t interrupt the running of the day

Again, this is why it’s so important to plan this with the couple: planning a wedding is a delicate balancing act, and the timings will be as they are for a reason. So, make sure you don’t derail the plans or push back any timings: the couple won’t thank you for it.

So there you have it: our guide to proposing at a wedding. There’s definitely food for thought here, so we hope we’ve helped you, whatever you’re planning! 

And if you were debating proposing at a wedding and have now decided against it, we’ve got loads of inspiration on where to propose here.

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